Our stories

By Emily Hausman

Cassie prepares herself to meet 10-year-old Lucy*. Turning the door knob to the classroom, she sees Lucy amusing herself by sprinting from the entrance to the bookshelf at the back of the room.

It was Cassie’s first time meeting Lucy at her school in regional NSW.

Lucy’s mum has been in and out of prison her whole life. She lives with a foster family.

“Lucy, how are you feeling today?” Cassie asks.

Lucy smiles, indicating to Cassie she is feeling good today.

However, this was contradictory to what Cassie had been told by Lucy’s teacher. She had mentioned that Lucy had an altercation with another student a few hours ago and that she had been unsettled at school.

“Can you tell me one good thing and one bad thing about today, Lucy?”

Lucy continues to cut the air with her hands. She lets out a large exhale and tries to catch her breath.

After a few moments, Lucy responds to Cassie.

“I had a great day because I played with Jay. I had a bad day because I fought with my friend.”

Cassie zippes open a canvas tote bag and pulls out some Play-Doh and a marble.

“Lucy, I want you to try and mould a log out of the Play-Doh”.

Lucy proceeds to indent the palms of her hands and fingertips into the Play-Doh and flatten it out to a skinny log. She has a huge grin on her face.

“That’s great, Lucy; now I want you to do the same thing with the marble”.

“What are you talking about? That’s crazy!” Lucy exclaimed.

Lucy fidgets with the marble between her fingers. She tries to use the friction of her hands to warm up the glass coating and make it more moldable.

After a few seconds of trying, Lucy blankly stares at Cassie.

Cassie takes a large exhale and explains to Lucy, “ Some problems are like Play-Doh and marbles. There are some problems we can fix and are in our control, like Play-Doh, and there are some out of our control.” Cassie points to the marble.

Lucy traces the palm of her hand with the marble and ponders what Cassie has said.

Cassie gets up and holds the door open for Lucy. The scent of a fresh eucalyptus gum tree swirls through the air. It’s time to play.

Mentoring making a difference

Since 2022, Cassie has been a Rise mentor at SHINE for Kids, a non-profit organisation supporting children and families impacted by the justice system.

She works with children who have a parent in custody, supporting their wellbeing and encouraging them to stay connected with their school, peers, education and community during a really tough time in their lives.

I sit down with Cassie to talk about her work and the several children, which now include Lucy, whom she mentors every week at their schools.

Another of these children, Mark, 12, struggles with moderating his emotions and managing his behaviour, which is often aggressive.

In sessions, Cassie asks Mark to shake a bottle of glitter as hard as he can for as long as he can. Then she asks him to take a large breath in and out and pause to think.

“With Mark, I like to use the strategy of glitter resettling in a bottle to represent how he responds to violence.”

“Mark, is it best to respond with violence?” Cassie role-plays how she interacts with Mark.

Mark’s aggression is a reflection of his frustration about his father’s incarceration.

And Mark is not alone in these feelings.

A 2023 report from Monash University found that children of incarcerated parents are often called the “invisible” or “unintended victims of crime” and face a myriad of complex emotional challenges.

Mark’s behaviour highlights the impact parental incarceration can have on children, hindering friendships and causing children to withdraw from school life and academic involvement.

For children in the Rise program, their session with Cassie can be the highlight of their week. 

This is especially the case for Nellie*, 10.

She often races to Cassie at the start of their sessions, eager to recount her weekend adventures.

Last week, she had taken a “trip to Paris with her dad”. This week, it was a “skydiving adventure”, Cassie recalls.

Nellie’s imaginary stories with her dad are a common coping mechanism to deal with the separation resulting from parental incarceration.

To make Nellie feel more comfortable, Cassie uses the technique of narrative therapy.

She asks Nellie to be present in the story and make herself a different character to give her the opportunity to view herself from another perspective.

Cassie recalls that Nellie once cast herself as the princess heroine Elsa and imagined herself unfreezing the icy gates and frozen wires separating herself from her dad.

“They wait so long just for such a small moment to feel connected with their parent. That’s why the visits are so special”, Cassie says.

Unfortunately, the feeling of separation is more profound for kids in foster care, as they don’t understand why they just can’t see their parents. Untruthful narratives fed from the family or guardians can worsen this feeling.

This notion is shared by Sophie Zoellner, Communications Lead at SHINE for Kids. She feels that “children would benefit [actually] knowing where their parents are.”

It would reduce a lot of stress and anxiety that contribute to meltdowns in the classroom, enabling the student to express and understand their emotional struggles.

Cassie talks about another student she mentors and how encouraging children to pursue things that bring them joy can make a big difference in their emotional management.

“James was part of the Rise mentoring program and moved in with a new foster family. But he was determined to thrive and do things that made him feel safe and better in his world in a new environment. He loved to cook and continued cooking when he moved.”

“The stereotypes about these kids are often wrong; they are the most resilient and creative out of all of us when they get the support they need at the time”, Cassie says.

The Rise program is vital for the flourishing of children impacted by parental incarceration, particularly those under the age of 10 years old.

“If you hear some of their stories, your heart would bleed. We should just be giving compassion. It seems easier to place judgment than consider the situation and take a step back.”

As the interview ends, Cassie tells me that “the feeling you walk away with [after a session] is different every time.”

I remark that it isn’t just children who are victims of life’s unpredictability. We’re all still learning to navigate challenging circumstances, and Cassie’s techniques could help many.

It’s clear that Cassie is adored and appreciated by the community, and her work provides invaluable lessons for all.

*Names are changed to protect the identity of program participants.